People are always saying to me: "Have you finished your book yet?" After 7,8 or 10 years they say: "You mean, you haven't finished it yet?" I just want to strangle them. When you write the kind of books I write you live with the book 24 hours a day for years and you don't think about how long it may take. I labor under the illusion that I'm almost finished and that what I'm doing is very easy when I know perfectly well it is not. This is a lie I tell myself, and it is not to be shattered, but often is because I forget and start talking about a work-in-progress to the wrong people. People who are liable to say: Oh, you work too hard. Oh, it takes you too long to finish. Oh, it is so difficult what you do. Then the lie is shattered and must be reconstructed and fast.

 

Right now I'm working on another memoir. It is about all the interesting people I have known. Some of them found their way into my books, others could have but did not, and should be in somebody's book, maybe their own book, therefore, I am calling this memoir, My Life in Books. I think that about covers it.

I am also working on 21 totemic figures about 6 feet tall. I mentioned this to a friend today and she said: "What are you making these figures for?" meaning, for what gallery, museum, or occasion. For a moment I was taken aback. And then it occurred to me, I have never created art for a specific time, place, or occasion. I create what I want to create and then try to twist somebody's arm into showing it. The same with the books. If no one will publish them, I'll publish them myself, but I do not write or create art for a "market". It's just not my way. I do something because I am passionate about it. If the passion isn't there I don't do it. If it doesn't sell, I'm happy to keep it. Right now my house is full of art and I'm still stuffing in more. Very soon something has to be done about this.

I would like to go on the record as saying: I did not come to San Miguel to reinvent myself like so many people have suggested. When you know who you are, and you like who you are, and you like whatever it is you do, then there's no reason to reinvent you. I was born with my hat. That is, I knew from a very early age who I was and what my interests were. I did not have to go searching. Most people have to search. I was lucky. I knew I was an artist. I never questioned it. I was born with my hat.

Here I think it would be very appropriate to insert a quote from my favorite novel, Miss Spellbinder's Point of View. (page 83 first paragraph)

"You will notice that I am wearing my hat," Miss Spellbinder said when she entered the Back Door Bar that Once Faced the Sea. Now some of you are thinking, But she always wears her hat, and you are correct. Others of you are thinking, Of course, she is speaking metaphorically, and you are very correct. When I say, I am wearing my hat, my meaning is twofold: Yes, I am wearing my hat, and yes, I am wearing my hat. Allow me to explain it thusly: a man who is in the habit of wearing hats is not always wearing his hat, and a man who is wearing his hat may have many other hats to wear. The same, of course, applies to women. Satsuma, although she no longer wears a head covering of any kind, save a scarf of purple, orange, violet, or blue, is always wearing her hat. I trust my meaning is perfectly clear."

At the beginning of the novel, Clarissa Spellbinder is 102 years old and she has lived. I mean lived! Sometimes readers will say to me, "Miss Spellbinder is so quaint." When I hear this sort of thing I just want to draw blood. The truth is: Clarissa Spellbinder was born with the entire universe already in her head. In other words, she was born with her hat, and she never lost it. She should be an inspiration to all of us.